This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
