I look better un-naked...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
