he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
