he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
