apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
