She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
