he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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