I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
