I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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