You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
