Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
