Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
