Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
false alarm. still invincible.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pants are for mortals
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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