I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
