I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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