3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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