Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
