and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
