Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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