How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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