Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
