So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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