Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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