I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i have two assholes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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