something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
