Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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