I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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