I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
