I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
