Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
