I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
