I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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