One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
