i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
