Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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