I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
