My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
