In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
