every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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