textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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