i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
