as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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