2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
