I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we made out on top of his cat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
