dude i'm inner monologue high
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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