is your mom at the bar?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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