Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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