The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
