New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
