Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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