And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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