DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just gargled with NyQuil
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
