You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize