Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize