you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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