Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
