boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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