Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
