For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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