Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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