No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
