Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
